Codependency Healing Understanding And Treatment Dallas
What Is Codependency?
Codependency is often a dirty word today. In the world of helping partners of men and women addicted to a substance, process or behavior, codependency historically has been used as a buzz word to in effect blame the partner for the addicts behavior. The partner of an unhealthy person feels, wrongly so, that they are responsible for the others acting out behavior. Sadly, many therapists wrongly hold this attitude today.
It is often helpful for partners and family members of addicts to hear the original usage of the term codependency. It simply meant that the person was in a relationship with someone who was addicted to or compulsive with a substance, process, emotional states, or a behavior. The addicts behavior over time traumatized the partner or family member and in an effort to cope and not be re-traumatized, the family member began to use survival mechanisms to protect themselves from more hurts. Traumatic bonding and repetition more accurately describe these survival behaviors. The family member began to take responsibility for the areas in life the addict wasn’t taking responsibility for. In a sense it is traumatic over-responsibility.
Codependency Effects
There isn’t ever anything the “codependent” does that causes the acting out behavior. In fact, many partners and family members are doing everything they can to not be harmed by the others behavior.
Seeing it through the lens of trauma and survival catches the behavior most accurately. Again, partners and family members don’t cause the addicts immature choices and lack of maturity and responsibility. They are an attempt to protect the family and self from more harm.
It is in the service of looking to see how a persons reactions to traumatic experience — how they think, believe, feel and act — are effective in meeting their needs and truly protecting themselves and their family from more traumatic experience that we begin to help people heal from the consequences of being a “co” of and addicted or dysfunctional person. Healing “codependency” begins with first understanding the traumatic experiences, followed by the natural survival mechanisms and looking to see if they are still necessary and whether they are effective in meeting their needs.
In this way, codependency doesn’t need to be a dirty word, or a blaming word. Really, co-trauma is a better definition, and simply trauma and the resulting protection mechanisms finally catches the true meaning of the word and gives us a non-judgmental paradigm by which we can assist in healing the family system.
Many today are still confused by this hot button term. Some vehemently argue that it doesn’t exist while other argue it fully explains being in a relationship with an addict. Is it trauma or codependency people argue. It is really both and simply understanding it as trauma and the resulting coping mechanisms in a compassionate and realistic way paves the path of recovery.
Treating Codependency
If you or a loved one are in an addictive relationship or married to someone who at times is immature or in many ways not fully responsible in their life, give us a call. We can help identify the traumatic experience and resulting coping strategies and help you heal from the trauma, and become effective again in protecting yourself and your loved ones. Nobody causes another’s behavior. We are all only responsible for ourselves.
Traumatic experience can alter our path. Reclaim yours today.
Life Works facilitates overcoming trauma to create solid, intimate relationships.
Give Life Works a call for a free phone consultation.
